My First Smut is a recurring feature where we talk about our formative smut experiences. These short confessionals may include such details as: What book did you read? How old were you? Were there other people involved? What made the experience special? What role does smut play in your life?
This week, we tell Alice’s story.
One day, I was browsing through the circular racks at the library and a random book caught my fancy. It was set in Medieval times and it was not immediately obvious to me that it was a romance novel – I was in middle school. I don’t remember the title or the author or most of the plot… but there was an errant knight who arrives at a castle and has the hots for the lady of the castle and tries to seduce her, but she isn’t going to give it up so easily. I remember the book built a good slow burn. There was one scene where they were at the table together and he kept rubbing his thigh against hers.
This could be a factor of being in middle school, but I felt that it was historically accurate – the heroine wore a wimple, so the hero didn’t know what color her hair was, and was surprised when he discovered it was red. (You know, once he got into her wimple.)
Middle school is that age where I was starting to get curious about sex, but no one was sharing any information with me. So it was like a lightbulb going off. Like, “Oh, I can use these books to learn about sex.” I started seeking them out. I felt a little bit guilty – I didn’t want people to know I was reading these books. But it was a safe way for me to explore my sexuality as a young woman.
I read more Medievals, and also Westerns. I got really into Mail Order Bride books.
To some extent I knew it was all fantasy, but I didn’t necessarily take it with the grain of salt that I should have. But that’s part of the fun of it when you’re that age, you don’t know enough enough to be skeptical. You can just believe that that’s what love is like, what it’s going to be like.
The one thing I was skeptical about was that hair was always a big attraction. The hero frequently fantasized about the heroine’s hair, and there were these bedroom scenes where the hero would spread the woman’s hair out all over the pillow. I was genuinely curious: “Are men really that big on hair, or not? Or is that the woman’s perspective on beauty?” (I’m still not sure I know the answer to this question.)
Have an early smut experience you’d like to share with us? If you’d like to see your story featured, send us a note and we’ll post it in an upcoming week.
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