My First Smut is a recurring feature where we talk about our formative smut experiences. These short confessionals may include such details as: What book did you read? How old were you? Were there other people involved? What made the experience special? What role does smut play in your life?
This week, we tell Kaitlyn’s story.
I have this friend. Our moms have been friends since they were eight years old, so I was at her house all the time as a kid. One day, in middle school, I was having a sleepover at her house, and she gave me a book that she had read and enjoyed. It was her mom’s book. I definitely brought it home, and as I was getting in to it, I kept thinking that I shouldn’t be reading this. I felt guilty. I remember being excited. I read books a lot, and I would get really absorbed in them. Am I allowed to like this? Is this ok? What if someone found out?
Kind of the way I felt when I first watched Dirty Dancing. I was drawn to it – but is it ok that I like this movie?
I remember the man and the woman and the saxophone and the motorcycle. And the cover. Apparently there’s ice cream and a murder mystery, but I don’t remember any of that. Not important, clearly.
My mom found out later and she said: “Oh, Vickie reads romance novels all the time. They’re silly. I don’t know why she reads them.” She was dismissive. I was worried I would get in trouble, and I wasn’t in trouble, but it was clear that she thought reading them wasn’t worth the time and the effort. It was like she was doing the parenting thing where you don’t make a big deal out of it – because if you make a big deal out of it, your kid gets even more into it.
For years later, whenever I’d see the book, I’d hear the name in my head with this resonance. The Cove. The voice in my head deepens and the vowels extend. Like a voiceover. Not ominous, just with extra weight. It has this position in my mind – the first (maybe only?) romance novel I ever read.
Have an early smut experience you’d like to share with us? If you’d like to see your story featured, send us a note and we’ll post it in an upcoming week.