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Saturday Smutty Six: Short Christmas Romance

If you’re anything like us, you might find December getting a little…busy. It can be challenging to a) find time to read or even b) focus on a whole novel. Luckily, there are plenty of lovely Christmas shorts to enjoy! Here are six we’ve found for you this year.

A Christmas Gone Perfectly Wrong by Cecilia Grant

It’s entirely possible we’ll offer up this novella every year because 1. It is the perfect Christmas romance (Really. It’s perfect.) and 2. It is always free and 3. Did I mention it’s perfect? Erin squees about it here, and Holly adds her two cents here. If you haven’t read it yet, give it a try. 

Handmade Holidays by ‘Nathan Burgoine

Gosh, Burgoine is such a pleasure to read. So evocative. The story travels through 15 years of Christmases, from the time Nick is a teen starting with nothing after getting kicked out of his family’s home, through years of ups and downs as he and his found family experience all the little steps that make life, well, life. And through it all, be he near or far, is Nick’s dear friend, Haruto. 

Note: This is a super slow burn that’s more about the journey Nick and Haruto travel to each other than about their romantic relationship as such. No sex, kisses at the end.

Stocking Stuffers by Erin McLellan

Sasha is suffering through the saccharine Christmas season, hating every sprinkle of faux snow after she was left at the altar on her Christmas Eve wedding last year, but she’s a gosh darn professional so she’s Ms. Claus AF while presenting a sex toy party at the local B&B…only to get snowed in. Perry hasn’t told his sister that he’s not just home for Christmas, he’s home permanently, and maybe it’s good because Sasha is amazing. And also offering Perry a fantastic sex-toy awakening while they wait for the roads to clear.


Holigay by K.M. Neuhold

I’m not sure I’ve ever read a best friends bi-awakening story that wasn’t filled with warm fuzzies, and this one is no different. Matt and Caspian already love each other deeply, it’s just that Caspian knows his unrequited love needs to stay buried while Matt thinks if he could just find a woman version of Caspian his life would be perfect. Then they end up on a Christmas vacation in Fiji that opens Matt’s eyes, but Caspian’s pretty sure things won’t last when they’re back home. Low key, low angst, high heat sweetness for days.

Merry Inkmas by Talia Hibbert

I’ll be honest—I didn’t agree with, like, anything these two think about love and romance and even life (like, has Cash ever heard of Patrick Stewart?), and I had FEELINGS about the dark moment (look, getting what you signed up for—insisted on!—should not be offensive), but honestly it’s nothing unusual for romance (please see this post). AND YET I was charmed by this holiday story about a famous but traumatized tattoo artist and a successful but traumatized university student getting their worlds turned inside out by each other.

All I Want for Christmas Is to Eat Out My Christmas Tree by Chuck Tingle

If you were intrigued when we did our Chuck Tingle deep dive, but all that butt pounding makes you nervous…did you know that Tingle also writes lesbian Tinglers? In this short story, Amy wants to find the perfect Christmas tree. In fact, she kind of wants everything to be perfect all the time. So she’s very excited to meet Noona, perfect Christmas tree, and they have perfectly imperfect sex, as well as a happy ending that will last at least until the end of the holiday season. (The bonus story features a sentient twice-baked potato.)

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Saturday Smutty Six: You say you’re bad at relationships, but you’re doing great in this fake one!

We’re rounding out fake relationship trope week with a super specific sub-category of the trope—you know the one, where at least one protagonist swears that they just can’t do real relationships because they’re so bad at them? Except then they’re really good at being in the fake one because they’re just themselves and it’s completely endearing and wonderful?

Anyway, this is a dynamic that’s pretty specific to contemporary romance, so here are six for your reading pleasure:

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

Stella might begin her quest by asking Michael for sex lessons, but it only takes one encounter for them to decide to fake something more like relationship intimacy as a solution to Stella’s dating woes. Of course, intimacy is intimacy, and it’s not long before their relationship evolves into meeting the family and thoughtful gifts and crossing all the fake relationship lines.

Flirting with the Frenemy by Pippa Grant

Ellie’s best friend is getting married, and she ends up sharing a house with her brother’s best friend Wyatt, and his son. Ellie’s ex is also in the wedding, so she arranges for a friend to be her fake boyfriend–but when Wyatt finds out, he flips the script and insists HE is her real boyfriend. There are all kinds of reasons they apparently can’t be together but…none of them end up mattering. 

Best Fake Fiancé by Roxie Noir

Daniel hasn’t dated in years because he’s been focused on being a good single dad to his daughter while also running a brewery—and what he was doing before he found out he had a kid is not exactly what we would call “dating.” When Daniel panics at a custody hearing and tells the judge he’s engaged to his best friend, Charlie, he thinks it’ll be simply a matter of Charlie showing up at the next hearing and saying, “Yup, we’re getting married.” Too bad they live in a small town where the congratulations start flowing immediately because 1) the court clerk is a huge gossip and 2) everyone is already convinced that Daniel and Charlie have been secretly dating for years. 


Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

Dani’s carrying so much hurt from being dumped when she was young that it sabotages her relationships, so she’s decided not to waste her energy on something that’s not working for her and is being awesome at work instead. She’s so fixated on how a relationship won’t work for her that she doesn’t even realize she’s exactly the girlfriend Zaf has been dreaming of the whole time they’ve been fake dating.

Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert

Being in a relationship with a partner who’s deployed in a submarine for long stretches is hard. Too hard. So Derrick has decided to give up the misery of dating and be married to work…after he gets back at his cheating ex by having his best friend’s little brother give him the most epic fake welcome home kiss ever. Too bad the rest of the family is there to see it and is over the moon to adopt him into the family.

Irresponsible Puckboy by Eden Finley and Saxon James

Look, Dex is a himbo. He doesn’t realize that his best friend has been in love with him for years, and he doesn’t realize his relationship failed not because he’s dragging his feet about getting married but because he doesn’t actually like her much. But, being the problem solver that he is, Dex convinces Tripp to go to a chapel in Vegas and pretend to marry him so he can get over his wedding anxiety. It’ll be fake, he said. We won’t file the paperwork, he said. Boy, are these twits surprised when the team’s PR department calls demanding answers. Bonus points: This one’s a legit rom-com. Erin couldn’t stop laughing while describing its bonkersness and Holly told her to put it on this list.


As always, we’re always taking recommendations (even if our TBRs are threatening to fall on top of us), so let us know if there are any we just shouldn’t miss!

Listicle

Saturday Smutty Six: Retired Athletes

Our Smashdown can’t be limited to only 8 duels and a few other reviews! In order to showcase some more lovely sports romance, we need listicles! 

We’ve decided to limit our March Smashness books to active athletes, but there are plenty of romances dedicated to the stories of retired athletes as well. Here are six we’ve enjoyed:

Make It Sweet by Kristen Callihan 

Career-ending injuries are a source of angst, and Lucian’s reaction to his concussion is no exception. He takes time to hide out at his grandmother’s estate, throwing himself into intricate baking projects to come to terms with his new life. Luckily, Emma’s also running away from her own problems at his grandmother’s estate. Bonus points: Emma’s handling of the relationship when Lucian tries to return to the sport is unique, and I appreciated it.

Recipe for Persuasion by Sonali Dev

After an injury sidelines soccer superstar Nico, he agrees to participate in a cooking competition—as long as he’s paired with chef Ashna, his high school sweetheart who unceremoniously dumped him. Ashna isn’t thrilled at this plan (understatement), but she’s desperate to save her restaurant, so what can she do? Of course, sparks fly, the shows’ fans start speculating, and Ashna and Rico are finally able to be honest about what really tore them apart all those years ago. Please note that despite the adorable illustrated cover, this book is extremely angsty. (Content warnings for anxiety, depression, suicide, and marital rape.)

Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

Oh, Zaf. A book boyfriend if ever there was one. He’s a security guard at the university where Dani teaches, but he used to be a professional rugby player. He’s also channeled his rugby skills into a sports charity for kids. And he reads romance novels, lives with anxiety, and has an unrequited crush on Dani. Luckily, a viral video of Zaf carrying Dani out of their building after a fire evacuation goes sideways leads the two to start fake dating, and we all know what that means!


So Over You by Kate Meader

Isobel was raised to be a hockey superstar – she’s a silver medalist and college champion – but she only lasted through a portion of the first ever game of the National Women’s Hockey League before a head injury cut short her career. When her father dies and leaves his hockey franchise to Isobel and her sisters, she returns to the ice to coach the team’s star player through a recovery. Fun story: he was her first when they were teens – and it wasn’t satisfying for her. Now, though, he’s had plenty of practice, and he’s more than willing to practice with her.

Rock Hard by Nalini Singh

If you’re looking for some old school romance vibes, there’s really nothing better than giant, growly rugby-star-turned-CEO Gabriel falling head over feet for quiet, shy Charlotte. Forceful Gabriel is accustomed to getting what he wants, but he has to work to win Charlotte’s trust and heart. Some content warnings for this one: Charlotte’s story includes being assaulted and nearly murdered some years prior, and that narrative is ultimately resolved during the course of this book. Also, I’m not sure that the way these two handled the sexual components of their relationship is optimal given Charlotte’s history, but it does work for them in this narrative, and the book is approaching 20 years old.

Common Goal by Rachel Reid

Eric is retiring, not retired, but this book is full of all the beats of saying goodbye. He was married for twenty years, but now that he’s divorced, he wants to finally date men, to acknowledge out loud that he’s bisexual. Kyle is significantly younger and with a pile of baggage that makes him relationship-averse, but Kyle can no more resist his attraction to the silver fox than Eric can walk away from the beautiful graduate student. If you’re looking for a romance focusing on a life in transition, this is that story. (Also: really hot. Hot hot hot.)


What’s your favorite romance featuring a retired athlete?

Listicle

Saturday Smutty Six: Erin’s Reading Roundup

I read way more books this year than I’ll review, and some of them were a ride. Good ride, wild ride, whatever. So as we wrap up 2021, I figured I’d do an “Erin Read” Saturday Smutty Six roundup. Share the wealth and all that. 

Without further ado and in no particular order:

Beverly Hills Dragons by Meg Ripley

Folks, I’m pretty sure that Holly found this series for me when I was on a dragon binge last winter and it is wild. There are plenty of questionable goings on in these books; HOWEVER, they are about dragon shifters falling in love with their nannies and they are all set in the 80s. Are they paternalistic as hell? Yes! But they are also absolutely bonkers! Blue eyeshadow! Perms! Crimping irons! Scrunchies! Denim jackets! Ridiculously OTT climactic moments! I can’t exactly recommend them, but I totally kept reading them because what even is this?

His Human Nanny by Michele Mills

My reading totally took a turn for the weird this year because sci-fi smut is often just endlessly entertaining, which is how I happened on the Monsters Love Curvy Girls series. I don’t recommend it as a fat positive book, and once again we are contending with a lot of paternalistic themes (hi, sci-fi romance!), BUT this alien looks like Darth Maul had a baby with satan. The heroine faints the first time she sees him. So naturally when they start living together and she starts taking care of his children who can literally breathe fire, she begins to find Daddly alien hella hot. Why would she go back to earth when Daddy has a forked tongue and a prehensile tail?

Seducing My Guardian by Katee Robert

This whole series is all about: come for the taboo sexytimes (which is most of the text), stay for the emotional depth. Katee Robert is really good at using sex to communicate what’s going on emotionally. Strictly speaking the heroine of this story is 25, so this is probably not suited to readers who are looking for straight-up taboo guardian smut, but there is a significant age gap. So, if you’re not looking specifically for guardian/ward taboo, then may I show you this very sexy book featuring two people who have been pining for each other for years who then reenact their one meeting per year as it might have been if they’d caved to their desires?

Press Play by Ash Dylan

This one is also very much about the sexytimes, on account of: roommates who have been secretly in love with each other agree to make a sex tape – as friends, of course – for a local adult film contest. She can get her directing mojo back and he can get over his ex. Except that they’re really using the experience to get closer to each other. Not suited to readers who need well-edited books; this book would benefit from some editing. But it’s a really interesting premise with characters who are really afraid to take a leap. And the way he holds his hand out to her has lived rent free in my brain since I finished reading.

Guarding Temptation by Talia Hibbert

So there is a plot in this story (and it’s like “Yay! Get it, Nina!”), but all I cared about was that it created a forced proximity situation so that these characters could resist all their feelings by having really hot sex without even touching each other. And then with touching each other, sure, but bottom line: the buildup of the sexual tension in this story is lit. And of course it’s written by Talia Hibbert, who always uses words so well. A delightful novella. 

Rare Danger by Beverly Jenkins

I know it looks like it, but I didn’t only read sexy books this year! This book does have sex in it, but not a lot. There’s too much going on for danger bangs here! First of all, this story is kinda bonkers – he shoots a missile at a vehicle from a helicopter AND they are both like, “why yes, marriage” after about a minute – but it also features a middle-aged couple, exciting intrigue (International theft! Forgery! Murder!), and Detroit. I absolutely loved that Jasmine was perfectly happy to have the life she wanted – which was exactly the life she had, no partner required – so her relationship with Torr was solely rooted in the happiness it brought them to be together.

Listicle

Saturday Smutty Six: Teacher Heroines

To celebrate Women’s History Month, every Saturday in March we’ve prepared a Saturday Smutty Six list of some of our favorite heroines. 

This week: Teachers

Rebel by Beverly Jenkins

Valinda travels to NOLA to help with teaching Black people during Reconstruction. There are numerous hurdles thrown in her way (starting on, like, her first day), but Drake’s family is willing to help not only Valinda, but their greater community (by building a school, etc.), as everyone works to create a new and more equal normal after the Civil War. 

Crashing Into Her by Mia Sosa

Eva is one of the most energetic heroines I’ve ever read, which makes it fitting that she is the BEST Zumba teacher. She and Anthony have really sparkling antagonistic (turned not-so-antagonistic, heyo!) banter, and their chemistry carries the book. Plus, there are shenanigans at the drive in!

Resolutions by Lucy Eden

Jane is a Kindergarten teacher, and is therefore the cutest person on the planet. She is also extremely wholesome and feels like she’s not cool enough to be dating a former rock star, even if he’s her best friend, they have tons of stuff in common, and, oh yeah, she’s madly in love with him. (And he really really really likes her too.) 

Eight Kinky Nights by Xan West

Sex educator Leah gives her best friend BDSM lessons as a Chanukah present! But what really makes this book special is how gentle it is. Leah and Jordan are so kind to one another, and the world would be a better place if we all treated our loved ones with such thoughtfulness. 

Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

Dani Brown is a professor, and she’s exceptionally good at what she does, even if she doesn’t yet feel she’s at the level of her academic idol. What she is maybe not exceptionally good at is relationships, but fear not: Zaf is a book boyfriend.

My So-Called Perfect Life by K.A. Berg

(Previously released under the much more entertaining title Thank You, Chlamydia

Dani (two Danis!) is an elementary school teacher, and mostly, from an appearance and behavior standpoint (at least until she meets Ryan) acts like it. And yet she somehow ends up with Chlamydia! This is a fun book that deals with some heavy ideas about how we perceive ourselves and others.